Top Five TV and Movie Couples That Never Were
One of my all-time favorite bloggers, the amazingly hilarious sci-fi author Genevieve Valentine, contributed an amazing post to another blogger’s query about movie couples that SHOULD have been together (http://www.genevievevalentine.com/2012/01/relationships-that-never-happened-and-a-giveaway-that-is/), but somehow never made it work. Ms. V had some GREAT ideas, but I have a few of my own I’d like to share. Here are my top five movie and television couples that never were…
5.) Cordelia and Angel (Angel)
Okay, so they SORT OF were together for a bit, then were torn apart by the coming apocalypse ( I HATE when that happens). I know hard-core Buffy/Angel purists will hate me for this, but I always loved the pairing of Cordelia and Angel because of the way both characters changed and evolved from Buffy and on through Angel‘s final seasons. Cordelia started out as a very one-note gal, but by the second season of Angel, she proved to be one of the more bad-ass dames in the Whedon-verse, thanks to her new-found demon powers and her growing friendship with Angel himself. The genuine affection between the two was a slow and logical build that added needed emotional depth to the show. I felt like a character who had changed so much DESERVED a happy ending, but much like Angel’s own curse, Cordy was doomed from the start. Cordelia’s departure was sudden and empty, but bringing her back in the final season to say goodbye was a nice sentimental touch.
4.) Charles and Fiona (Four Weddings and a Funeral)
This is one case where the best friend did NOT get the guy in the end, and what a shame. Kristin Scott Thomas’s snide but classy Fiona provides Charles (Hugh Grant) with some life-altering advice that he rarely listens to (avoidance of “Duck Face” being the primary example), but always manages to be by his side impeccably dressed and willing to support a guy who is not always deserving of how amazing she truly is. For the life of me, I can’t understand the charms of Andie MacDowell’s Carrie ( amazing wedding hat #1 not withstanding), who wavers so many times throughout the story that she might as well be Mitt Romney. It’s too bad Charles never saw the light and ran off with the delightful Fiona instead.
3.)Mal and Inara (Firefly and Serenity)
I’ll give Joss Whedon credit for NOT tying up this potential match at the end of Serenity. It fits the characters and their hang-ups that they would still have a LONG way to go before finally being able to settle into a serious relationship. Sure, she’s a companion who trades her body for cash, and he’s a battle-hardened misanthrope who can’t seem to commit. I’m still waiting for them to just give it all up and suck face already. I didn’t want to like Inara in the beginning of Firefly‘s run. She’s too gosh-darn beautiful. Still, her sisterly relationship to both Kaylee and River and her well-meaning loyalty to the rag-tag crew of Serenity finally won me over by the time of “Shindig”. Over the course of Firefly‘s short run, we saw the tension and sparks fly between the captain and the courtesan, leading to a heartbreaking realization for Inara in “Heart of Gold” that she was more invested in Mal’s heart that she had previously thought. By the time of Serenity, both seem to have an unspoken bond that they need each other to deal with a harsh universe, although they have a long way to travel before coupledom…
2.) Agent Dale Cooper and Audrey Horne (Twin Peaks)
Okay, so I realize that Audrey’s high school age adds to the creep factor quotient, and age-inappropriate romances are normally an area I am unwaveringly against, but here’s one exception. Sherilyn Fenn’s Audrey surpassed this rule, as an old and wise soul trapped in the body of a high school senior. Kyle MacLachlan’s FBI agent, a man who ate, breathed and slept logic, was baffled by the sexy and equally smart Audrey, whose motives were at first murky. By halfway through the show’s first season, we were able to see the heart of gold in Audrey’s character, which was unfortunately layered just underneath the world’s most depressing family dynamic. Audrey’s well-meaning, but bungled attempts to aid Cooper’s investigation became one of the highlights of the show, but the writers began to shift away from the awkward tension between the two by the end of season 1. By season 2, both Cooper and Audrey had new love interests, although neither would capture the same quirky chemistry.
1.)Eowyn and Aragorn (The Lord of the Rings)
Peter Jackson did a marvelous job of making all the various characters and their interweaving relationships in the books come to life in the trilogy of films. Alas, this travesty is NOT his fault. In Tolkien’s works, Aragorn’s love interest, Arwen, exists mainly as a focal point for him to recall what is worth living (and dying) for; she is a symbol – the Evenstar that guides him home and makes him remember his purpose. It’s not Jackson, or even poor Liv Tyler’s fault that the character of Eowyn is far more interesting and compelling in both the books and the films. Miranda Otto’s thoughtful performance never turns Eowyn into a tomboy; she’s a feminine but strong woman who will fight right alongside the boys to protect those she loves. Aragorn can’t help but be tempted by her, since in some alternate universe somewhere, I’m sure they were a SMOKIN’ couple. Although Jackson tries in vain to give Arwen something to do (even inserting her into some vital scenes that she was never present for in the books), she still can’t compete with the woman who slayed the freakin’ WITCH- KING, for heaven’s sake! Jackson did try to make Eowyn’s eventual partnership with the sad Faramir more palatable in the extended edition of The Return of the King, where we discover that Faramir’s excellent qualities (loyalty, forgiveness) are more than appreciated by the ever-amazing Eowyn. Still, if I had written the darn books, it’s just no contest who Aragorn would have ended up with, folks…
Honorable Mention: Io and Perseus (Clash of the Titans)
I can tell that the writers and the producers/director just couldn’t agree on this one. The original myth (and 1980s version of the tale) has Perseus falling for the doomed princess Andromeda, but in the recent film, Alexa Davalos’s Andromeda has neither a distinct personality nor much discernible screen time, while Gemma Arterton’s snappy and cute immortal guide Io steals the show. By the end of the movie, the supportive and interesting relationship between the cursed Io and the stalwart Perseus is seething with sexual tension. The end of the film hints at a future between the two, but Arterton was unavailable for the sequel, so my dreams of an Io/Perseus Happily Ever After are forever thwarted. Drat.