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TV Testimony: Top Three Lessons I’ve Learned from Bravo.

May 6, 2010

As far as cable networks are concerned, Bravo is an endearing mix of quality television (Top Chef) and absurd reality messes (The Real Housewives of …well, all of them).  Yet, I sincerely believe my love of Bravo TV has taught me a few things.  Like what, you say?  Read on.

3.) No matter how amazing I think my cooking is, I still don’t know how to prepare (or pronounce) fonduta, and I still think Dauphine is just a royal title in France.

Thanks Padma, for making the rest of us normal folks look bad.

Thanks to Top Chef, I feel as if I am broadening my culinary horizons.  I now know that Whole Foods is the one stop shopping haven for any foodie of choice, and that anything served with a” foam” automatically must look as if a baby has regurgitated on your plate.  The chefs on Bravo’s hit show are nothing less than consistently entertaining, even if they make my hard-working homemade Mac and cheese look like roadkill.  Then again,  just because you can say it in French doesn’t make it any more edible.

2.) No matter how selfish or warped you think your world view is, there is always someone out there who is more artificial and deluded than you are.

 
 

California schemin'

Thanks to The Real Housewives of the O.C.  I can thank the powers that be that I have enough sense not to spend 20,000 dollars on plastic surgery when my house is in danger of going into foreclosure.  I also have a real career, as opposed to a jewelry or makeup line that renders itself utterly superfluous unless you are six feet tall, bottle blond and addicted to spray tanning.  I also am thankful for a supportive and loving husband, even if I can’t measure his love in diamonds or silicone.  Amen.

1.) Love for family and friends is a pure and noble emotion.  Unless you’re from New Jersey.

 
 

Surprisingly, none of them were once men.

Thanks to The Real Housewives of New Jersey, I now believe that there are worse things than having a crazy uncle.  For example,  having an entire compound of Italian families intent on trying to pass off a “catering hall” as a legitimate multi-million dollar business.  Not that I am demeaning them or “messing with them” in any way.  As Kathy Griffin would say, “Allegedly“.  I also have learned the fine art of  endearing myself to wait staff and management by table flipping in a fancy restaurant, as well as calling my mammary glands “bubbies”.  Life lessons such as these are not to be ignored.

Thank you, Bravo.  I don’t know what I’d do without you.

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